Keeping it real

blogging is a constant struggle of "keeping it real" and "shit I don't wanna overexpose my life and let people know my shit" I sometimes cross that line and re-think my posts lol. Today I'm going to blog about how I keep it real on the daily. 

how Jaclyn keeps it real:

1. when I have really long hair, it's all really mine! I mean I grew it myself motherfuckers! why do girls get hair extensions ..do they ever wonder if guys will freak out when they start "pulling their hair fake out?!! 

2. I wear glasses because I'm really BLIND! I'm not trying to be on trend, or be cute! I really just need them and can't see!! fake glasses are just fucking stupid girls! stop doing it bc your causing real girls like me who need them get-asked annoying questions such as, are you a sexy librarian? are you a naughty school girl? are you a bad professor?are those really prescription? 

3. I have a daily struggle of would I like more sleep or should I actually get pretty today? Spoiler alert: sleep always wins!! screw putting on a face, those extra 10 minutes in bed were devine and I'm never letting go. we don't need to look "on point" everyday to feel good about ourselves.. sometimes no makeup and messy hair just needs to happen! honestly makeup only happens when I go out and weekends other than that it's fresh faced and beanies I wear lol. 

4. my best friend really is my mom. no lie. your mother will never tell your secrets or hate you because you didn't "hug her right once" she will always love you unconditionally! at 25 I'm really looking for that love and compassion in my life! fuck fake friends I got mommy! I keep it real by hanging out with my mom weekends.. we do a lot of watching of Netflix and I try to make her drink beer ocassonally.

 5. my other best friend really is my dog and cat. they won't talk either. also good to cuddle with. 

5. I'm very blunt and it's caused some ruckus in my life! I'm unapologetic with my honesty! keeping it real can be hard guys! 

6. I kept it real by having my vices. like drinking too much on the weekends and being the wild girl I sometimes am! I keep it real by having a dirty mind and telling my friends how outrageous i am. sorry blog world you'll never know .. ahhh secrets ;)

7. I smile on the daily! I don't care if "resting bitch face" keeps you pretty.. you look just like that: a bitch! I wanna be old and wrinkley and see my happiness on my face! 

8.i keep it real by making my own money and never asking a man for anything. I play my bills. lol I'm not opposed to winning the lotto tho.. or gifts ;) 

9. I keep it real by telling girls when they ask how I stay so skinny what I do.. nothing. I don't even pretend I'm fit. I'm just honestly blessed but fit girls could run circles around me while I'm eating cake and cheering them on! I keep it real by snacking and not giving a fuck. whoops. pass me the chips. I aspire to be fit.. from my tv! 

10. last I keep it real by letting all of you (shoutout to anyone that reads this I love you) in on my life! mostly I blog bc it's therapeutic and something I enjoy. my main goal in life is to be a published writer at some point so all this practice is good good good! soo until next time, keep it real! 

xoxo, 

Jaclyn

my first "creepy" Vlog experience

So here is my first Vlog ever! Granted I have a really old shitty webcam im working with and bad lightening.. oh and i didn't bother to do my hair or make up but here it is anyway. Tell me what you think and stay away from those creepers. ;) next time i'll work on my camera situation and general appearance! hahaha

it's almost the new year!

So 2015 is fast approaching! another year has passed and it seems crazy that life is going SO fast! this year was filled with lots of ups and downs. I am hoping for an even better 2015 than 2014 was! So here's a list of "resolutions" for the new year.

1. Think of all the good in my life when my own demons come out and I feel weary. 

2. Try and smile everyday.. Idc if "resting bitch face" keeps you pretty. I want a life of happiness well seen on my face! 

3. Let go of things I cannot control. breathe and let go. this is much easier said than done. 

4. positively seeks positivity. seems pretty hippy but it's so true! if you surround yourself with good people who really love you good things happen! (plus you just feel better!)

5. STOP thinking SO much! this one I already will have trouble with bc I'm a overthinker and even when I try to hide my thoughts the people who know me best know something's up. lol

6. Go on a trip! I really wanna travel a little even if it's not in a grand way. I'm DYING to see something that inspires me.. ( I need a travel buddy, any takers? lol ) 

7. Get a new tattoo! that's pretty easy. I love new ink soo prob getting my thigh done next! (sorry mom)

8. Don't be quick to judge and give others a chance.. you never know how awesome someone could be!

9. I really wanna learn to play the guitar.. teach me?!

10. Just be happy. the hardest and best resolution of all!! 

Happy New Year guys and deff look out for lots of posts in the new year! 

xoxo, 

Jaclyn

Best Friends.

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there! SOOO ive been INSANELY BUSY at work!! Holiday season is both the best and the worst for this exact reason lol But as I promised I will write at least a post a week so here I am!! This post is something that i've been pondering writing. I am really good at writing the fun, funny stuff, but the real knitty, gritty stuff is a bit more difficult, but here we go anyways!  I am the type of girl who makes friends wicked easily! I'm witty, funny, nice and have a certain sarcasm that people usually like rather than dislike I think. Ever since I was young I was able to make friends quickly. I would literally go up to girls and be like "Hi, I'm Jaclyn, Let's be friends" and just like that we were inseparable! Now my first "best friend" was when I was in kindergarten.. We had met when she literally lended me a helping hand! I had gotten one of those awful shots you need to go to school in my thigh and being the tiny girl I am ended up not being able to walk or get up everytime I sat she would help me back up and after that we were besties! We would hang out in what I considered her HUGE house compared to my tiny condo and eat pilsbary doughboy cookies! Our favorite thing to do was to watch Wayne's World together. (because what five year olds wouldn't be into that, I was always a strange one! LOL) That was such a fun, easy friendship. It was the first time I really had a friend besides my sisters and I loved it! Unfortunately it was not a lifetime one as I moved away and I cant even remember her last name to stalk her on facebook! hahah. When I moved to CT I was nervous being the new girl and all but I made lots of "best friends" easily! There was one girl who everyone seemed to want to be friends with and I was so lucky to be able to be her friend! We were inseparable from 5th to 7th grade. We went to the mall together, talked about boys, (her actually having boyfriends, me being the awkward girl I was and dreaming about one.) amusement parks, anything! Our "clique" was actually quite popular in middle school and I felt so special knowing these girls wanted to be my friend! (even if I really was the weird one haha) We even hid a box for us to come back after we graduated high school and dig up because we wanted to remember our friendship and DUH, we were BFF! Now this is all middle school so of course there ended up being random drama.. I think I spilled some chips or something of that nature and right than I WAS OUT OF THE GROUP. done. I was so devastated! I lost my best friends. At the time I felt like my world was ending and I had no one. I was very angsty and sad.. simple plan was my best friend at the time. haha I think this is when punk Jaclyn came out haha. Now it ended up working out and I was fine. I moved on, made new friends. Although I guess you could say I was a bit of a loser in high school so my glory days of school must have been when I was in middle school and SO COOL. duh. haha I eventually found my BEST BEST friend. We met on the bus on the way to school and she was my mini-me!  We were best friends for over 10 years and really had the best times. We would walk home from school, talk and just be SO HAPPY. I finally felt like I had a real, true friend. We were like sisters to me! We would dance in my room and dress up in all my crazy dresses. We went to homecoming together and she was there to cheer me on when I was in the fashion show even when girls were trying to be mean to me. We ALWAYS had each others backs. I knew I could count on her no matter what. We graduated and still remained best friends. Now I wont say I was the perfect friend. I'm stubborn and quick tempered. But I was always there for this person and she was always there for me. Now you grow and change a lot from 14 to 25 but I truly felt like this person was family to me. She was the ying to my yang. Where I can seem cold and emotionless, She is warm and wears her heart on her sleeve. I'm tough who would yell at girls who were mean to me, She would befriend them and make them LOVE her! We may have been a little opposite but it always seemed to work! She was one of the few people I could tell anything to and feel comfortable knowing my secrets were safe. I could cry and even if it freaked her out because I DON'T CRY she was always understanding. Unfortunately things happen and this friendship is gone. Its like a piece of me missing. I cant explain how sad I get when I think how wrong everything went. Its been almost a year since we stopped being friends and I can honestly compare it to a break-up. You go on facebook and see this person and it hurts. You see them out and its worse. Not being able to say hi to your own "best friend" without feeling lost and hurt is a awful thing. People ask me how so and so is and all I can say is I dont know, while they look at me like Its crazy we aren't friends. we were that inseparable..I have never publicly social media talked about what happened because our friendship was so precious to me. Even now I wouldn't say anything to hurt this person. I truly wish the best for them and their life. This is just me being able to say, that sometimes life and friendships suck. Its hard having friends sometimes as a girl!! Girls all over know how it is! A girl says shes your friend than goes to another girl and bashes you. We gossip about each-other and hide our real feelings. This is where I was always a different girl. I lost a lot of friendships due to my blunt nature of tackling the problems head on. I don't want to talk shit, I want to fix the problem and talk to them! Now sometimes people grow apart, grow up and that's ok too. Life is constantly evolving and we are always changing with it. You cant make someone like you, or want to be your friend again. Belive me I have tried many times and failed at that. You just have to be the best person you can be. If they need someone or something else that's fine. If they are toxic and no good for your life anymore than its time to cut the strings. At 25 I just want people around me who love me for me. Messy, un-perfect, blunt Jaclyn. I wish that girls would lift each other up and love each other more than being so catty and mean. We could all use a little love in this world. Anyways I know its going to take awhile for me to be at peace with all of this. But I'm really trying, and As I said my blog was going to be honest about how im feeling and this is as honest as you can get. Until next time.
xoxo,
Jaclyn
DISCLAIMER: no names were used to protect the former friends and no hurt meant, really. i mean it. the past is in the past, This is just my spot to write my thoughts.. cest la vie. :)

hey to all you skinny bitches out there...(and everyone in between)

 Hi!! So sorry I've only been writing one post a week this month! The holiday season is CRAZY at my job. It means I'm working like crazy and basically only go home to sleep! CRAZINESS! I don't mind too much though.. I'm one of those people who would rather be totally busy than do nothing all day and have the hour tick, tick on by. Plus Bonus's make the world go round! lol. Today was the infamous "Victoria Secret Fashion show. Its basically where women are are PAYED to work out, look perfect and quite honestly a lot of them don't eat very well. But the BIG thing it helps perpetuate for women in the USA is a UNREALISTIC body image. There is no way that little five foot three me could ever prance around in my underwear and look long, lean and perfect. It adds on to little girls feelings that there is ONE certain look that they need to achieve to be pretty, and it holds fast to guys high standards of what a women's body should look like. Now I will let you in on some of my not so good times. When I was younger I was PAINFULLY skinny. The type that people would come up and ask me if I had a eating disorder, which isn't nice and does not feel good. I used to have to wear belts all the time because where I was skinny, I also happen to have these obnoxiously (at the time, now I <3 them lol) long legs!

the real problem here is that hair...

 Now I have very thick skin so that never bothered me too much. The thing that used to get to me the most was after we girls hit puberty and started developing was the constant teasing of how "flat chested I was" that I looked like a boy and in my head all that equated to was that I was not good enough. I was not pretty enough and what I had to offer on the inside didn't matter. As women we are constantly judged! I can admit I am no angel and have been judgey to other girls also. Society puts these rules on us: Huge boobs, Slim waist, and of course you have to have a butt. This is a million dollar industry that they are feeding! We need to look the best! But why? Who is to say that having no butt, or no boobs is worse than having ample amounts? We need to be confident in what we have. That being said it took me a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin. I was that awkward skinny girl in high-school who didn't understand how much a good padded bra could help my shape out.  Hips and an ass, short-waisted but tinnyyy boobs is a hard combo to make look proportional. lol I was the girl who NEVER got dressed in front of other girls, let alone take my bra off in front of a guy. I DREAMED of one day boobs just popping up and couldn't wait for this mysterious "growing out of a bra"thing to happen.

Now sometimes my insecurities still do pop up but I'm much happier knowing that we women come in all different shapes and sizes. There is NO PERFECT BODY. The best body is the one you feel confident and sexy in. It does not matter if your skinny, curvy or anything in between YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and should know it!!!! I'm all for doing anything that makes you feel good, which means who knows one day I might "grow out" of my bras or keep my A's forever. The thing is its YOUR CHOICE. Don't let media, stupid men, or mean girls influence you. ALWAYS REMEMBER:YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
xoxo,
a crazy, small chested, booty having, little girl. <3

I swear im not THAT crazy...

So recently I got called the dreaded "crazy" as in "Why are you so crazy, I'm just a boy who did nothing wrong.. CRAZY." This happened by some person I have not talked to in months which made it even more annoying to me, as a girl cant even just be friendly anymore and say hello. SOOO this post is about all the things girls do that are CRAZY..actual and otherwise lol

1. We want you text us if you like us. - what is so hard about texting? its literally typing words on a tiny screen to show us you like us.. We are not even asking for a phone call here.. because hearing someones actual voice would be unheard of nowadays.
2. Stalking your instagram, twitter, facebook. oh do you have a pinterest. I already knew you did and checked it twice thanks. Most girls don't mind if you like some "Models" instas that have 400+likes...  If you like some whores I know and hate picture? I will keep that in mind and mention it to you later casually like "oh you like, so and so pictures.. SHES A WHORE AND I HOPE SHE MOVES TO WHORELAND, WHY DON'T YOU JUST MARRY HER ALREADY SINCE YOUR IN LOVE WITH HER!"
3.SNAPCHAT. girls go crazy about snapchat for 2 reasons. One: boys are stupid and don't realize if you snap one girl 500 times she is now in your top 3 and ALL your girls on snapchat see and hate her instantly. Two.:You should only snapchat me.. or like you mom. That's fine too.
4. I know I just texted you once but you haven't responded in 2 minutes sooo I think I should text you again. My rule used to be to text three times and after that never text again. As I've gotten older I say fuck it and let your inner crazy out..keep texting. (I'm totally kidding, stop doing that..text once and done.)
5. Another thing about instagram.... We get so crazy when you don't like our pictures... "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE THE PIC OF MY CAT EATING RAMEN? SHES A MODEL!" We will delete our selfies if they don't get 11 likes but keep the one you like just to say.. "See, he liked my picture 23 weeks ago, obviously he is in love with me" to our friends.
6.SO you meet a girl at a bar, you think shes pretty, you exchange numbers, go on dates and finally sleep together... well than your mission is accomplished and your ready to move on but We girls have other plans... Once a girl sleeps with a guy and likes them, She will text them none-stop. Where we think (now this is sometimes, BELIEVE ME, NOT ALL THE TIME. lol) sex will bring us closer.. guys think I hit the bulls-eye im good to go. You never know how truly crazy a girl can get until you sleep with her. and by crazy I mean us wanting to hang out again..odd I know.
7. We show all our friends screenshots.. bare that in mind when you text a crazy girl something nasty or sweet she will show it to ten of her closest friends thinking nothing odd of it. Be prepared to be critiqued to all you tiny minded men out there. ;)
8. You know how you say you "deleted" anything bad we sent you? Yes well a crazy girl is always prepared and has your  "snaps" too so be prepared.
9.  Some girls will do these things called drive-bys.. I used to be friends with a girl who would drive by her ex's house and piss right near his car. touche crazy girl and keep at it... haha
10.  I used to talk to someone and just show up at his house... this is real and crazy.. I also own it with no shame... drunk jaclyn is a wild thing...okayyyyyy... so maybe we are crazy, but crazy girls are the best... ;) So what do you think are girls crazy or are guys just driving us insane?
xoxo,
Jaclyn

Thanksgiving: Why it is so important to me.

So I totally wrote a whole post on my phone while on my lunch break at work and it got deleted because I didn't save it right! what a bummer! Anyways, I am a total holiday lover! you name the holiday and for that month it is my favorite holiday ever! So for the time being, thanksgiving it is!! When I was little my whole family would get together and have HUGE thanksgivings! Coming from an Italian family you could not even belive how much food we had!! My aunts and uncles would instruct us to eat,eat, eat and I would be dying by the time we got to even the second course!! However I would keep on eating because my favorite part of the whole meal was dessert!! Now I'm not much of a sweet tooth kind of girl but my Nona made the BEST Italian cookies you would ever taste! I would look forward to eating them all year and gobble them all up. She was the queen when it came to cooking to me and whenever I cook I always think of my Nona and try to ammulate how perfect she made everything! She would cook the perfect meal everytime and my papa would make the BEST gravy(sauce) you could ever even imagine! and YES, this happened on thanksgiving. lol She really is the first person who inspired me to try and cook and want to be that typical "Italian housewife" but still have big dreams and accomplish them.

My Nona and Papa made each holiday so special and really held our family together. I miss them so much and this time of year is when I get to missing them and all of my family that is far away from me. Holidays are a great time to remember who has been there for you and what life really is about. I really have my Nona and Papa to thank for showing me how important family is no matter what. 

I miss them every day and it's truely a blessing to have your grandparents in your life.. I wish I had hugged the a little closer and really appreciated them. Unfortantly I was only a young teenager when both of them passed But they showed me what true love really was. My Papa could give you a hug so hard he would pull muscles in your back! I miss those hugs so much. I even miss how my  Nona would pinch my cheeks and tell me  how I look just like her!! Holidays are really a great time and honestly if you have your love ones in your life hold them closer and love them a little longer. I would give anything to be able to kiss and hug my grandparents! But I will continue on remembering them fondly and trying to get my Nona's Italian cookie recipe right this holiday season! 

Much Love, 

Jaclyn