Best Friends.

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there! SOOO ive been INSANELY BUSY at work!! Holiday season is both the best and the worst for this exact reason lol But as I promised I will write at least a post a week so here I am!! This post is something that i've been pondering writing. I am really good at writing the fun, funny stuff, but the real knitty, gritty stuff is a bit more difficult, but here we go anyways!  I am the type of girl who makes friends wicked easily! I'm witty, funny, nice and have a certain sarcasm that people usually like rather than dislike I think. Ever since I was young I was able to make friends quickly. I would literally go up to girls and be like "Hi, I'm Jaclyn, Let's be friends" and just like that we were inseparable! Now my first "best friend" was when I was in kindergarten.. We had met when she literally lended me a helping hand! I had gotten one of those awful shots you need to go to school in my thigh and being the tiny girl I am ended up not being able to walk or get up everytime I sat she would help me back up and after that we were besties! We would hang out in what I considered her HUGE house compared to my tiny condo and eat pilsbary doughboy cookies! Our favorite thing to do was to watch Wayne's World together. (because what five year olds wouldn't be into that, I was always a strange one! LOL) That was such a fun, easy friendship. It was the first time I really had a friend besides my sisters and I loved it! Unfortunately it was not a lifetime one as I moved away and I cant even remember her last name to stalk her on facebook! hahah. When I moved to CT I was nervous being the new girl and all but I made lots of "best friends" easily! There was one girl who everyone seemed to want to be friends with and I was so lucky to be able to be her friend! We were inseparable from 5th to 7th grade. We went to the mall together, talked about boys, (her actually having boyfriends, me being the awkward girl I was and dreaming about one.) amusement parks, anything! Our "clique" was actually quite popular in middle school and I felt so special knowing these girls wanted to be my friend! (even if I really was the weird one haha) We even hid a box for us to come back after we graduated high school and dig up because we wanted to remember our friendship and DUH, we were BFF! Now this is all middle school so of course there ended up being random drama.. I think I spilled some chips or something of that nature and right than I WAS OUT OF THE GROUP. done. I was so devastated! I lost my best friends. At the time I felt like my world was ending and I had no one. I was very angsty and sad.. simple plan was my best friend at the time. haha I think this is when punk Jaclyn came out haha. Now it ended up working out and I was fine. I moved on, made new friends. Although I guess you could say I was a bit of a loser in high school so my glory days of school must have been when I was in middle school and SO COOL. duh. haha I eventually found my BEST BEST friend. We met on the bus on the way to school and she was my mini-me!  We were best friends for over 10 years and really had the best times. We would walk home from school, talk and just be SO HAPPY. I finally felt like I had a real, true friend. We were like sisters to me! We would dance in my room and dress up in all my crazy dresses. We went to homecoming together and she was there to cheer me on when I was in the fashion show even when girls were trying to be mean to me. We ALWAYS had each others backs. I knew I could count on her no matter what. We graduated and still remained best friends. Now I wont say I was the perfect friend. I'm stubborn and quick tempered. But I was always there for this person and she was always there for me. Now you grow and change a lot from 14 to 25 but I truly felt like this person was family to me. She was the ying to my yang. Where I can seem cold and emotionless, She is warm and wears her heart on her sleeve. I'm tough who would yell at girls who were mean to me, She would befriend them and make them LOVE her! We may have been a little opposite but it always seemed to work! She was one of the few people I could tell anything to and feel comfortable knowing my secrets were safe. I could cry and even if it freaked her out because I DON'T CRY she was always understanding. Unfortunately things happen and this friendship is gone. Its like a piece of me missing. I cant explain how sad I get when I think how wrong everything went. Its been almost a year since we stopped being friends and I can honestly compare it to a break-up. You go on facebook and see this person and it hurts. You see them out and its worse. Not being able to say hi to your own "best friend" without feeling lost and hurt is a awful thing. People ask me how so and so is and all I can say is I dont know, while they look at me like Its crazy we aren't friends. we were that inseparable..I have never publicly social media talked about what happened because our friendship was so precious to me. Even now I wouldn't say anything to hurt this person. I truly wish the best for them and their life. This is just me being able to say, that sometimes life and friendships suck. Its hard having friends sometimes as a girl!! Girls all over know how it is! A girl says shes your friend than goes to another girl and bashes you. We gossip about each-other and hide our real feelings. This is where I was always a different girl. I lost a lot of friendships due to my blunt nature of tackling the problems head on. I don't want to talk shit, I want to fix the problem and talk to them! Now sometimes people grow apart, grow up and that's ok too. Life is constantly evolving and we are always changing with it. You cant make someone like you, or want to be your friend again. Belive me I have tried many times and failed at that. You just have to be the best person you can be. If they need someone or something else that's fine. If they are toxic and no good for your life anymore than its time to cut the strings. At 25 I just want people around me who love me for me. Messy, un-perfect, blunt Jaclyn. I wish that girls would lift each other up and love each other more than being so catty and mean. We could all use a little love in this world. Anyways I know its going to take awhile for me to be at peace with all of this. But I'm really trying, and As I said my blog was going to be honest about how im feeling and this is as honest as you can get. Until next time.
xoxo,
Jaclyn
DISCLAIMER: no names were used to protect the former friends and no hurt meant, really. i mean it. the past is in the past, This is just my spot to write my thoughts.. cest la vie. :)