Monday, October 20, 2014

Part one: Let's talk about love baby, Lets talk about you and me

So here we go, Part One of "Why is Jaclyn Single?" Most people know me as a VERY tough, strong girl. Countless times I've been told , "You are not like a normal girl" I've even had guys who I really cared about tell me they didn't really think of my feelings because well, I seem so strong and put together "You're a really tough girl, Jaclyn" AND I really am..I own that independence and strong-headedness. Its a great quality. It has driven me to do great at my job, and pay all my bills and try to help my mom all I can. I'm constantly the girl who sometimes to others can seem cold, and not girly. I don't know when being strong has become a bad quality. I don't have to shout about rainbows and love to prove my womanliness. Now sometimes my strong-willed nature has been a bad thing. I'm extremely bad at relationships. I have never once really told someone how much I care. That "I can do it all myself" attitude has hindered my ability to just say "Hey, I need you. I want you. I love you. It doesn't help that in my 25 years of existence I have the innate ability to desire people who as much as I would love to think differently, haven't wanted me back. Maybe in the moment they wanted me for my looks, my care-free attitude, my impulsiveness, but never for ME.  Now I cant say I haven't loved anyone ever but I've never felt that REAL love in return. I'm not the kind of girl who wants that prince-charming to sweep me off my feet. I want to be equal and find someone who loves my quirks and my independence as much as I do. I struggle when dating, once I see a guy liking me too much, a switch goes off in my head to "run, run as fast as you can" I cannot handle not doing what I want, when I want. I've literally have had a friends bf tell me "well if you were just needy maybe you'd have a boyfriend" I don't want to change or be "needy" I want to be me and have someone love that I like to go out with my friends, and that I can walk into a bar alone and own it. I know that in every relationship you have to make comprises but I don't want to EVER change me. I'm at the point where I know I need someone, to tell me they love me, take me out and well maybe I'll even be a girl and cuddle. So that being said anyone like a strong-willed, stubborn, blunt, loving girl? <3

No comments:

Post a Comment